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Top Reads of 2021

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 Let's talk about my top 5 books of 2021 and why I think you should read them.  5.  A book on a love that is actualized In 2020, I needed a hard reset. I think most of us can say that we needed a break from the harsh reality we faced every day. As an honoree mention, Toni Morrisons God Save the Child was one of my first fiction books I decided to dive into as I started my reading to escape/for pleasure escapade. Real Men Knit takes place in New York, where childhood friends come together after the death of an elder who was cherished in the community. This is a short read that gives you the sweet ending we all like to visit from time to time.  4.  A book that talks about an average black girl with a not so average expierence   Okay this book was so good, and so fun to read! I listened to this on audible and the narrator was EVERYTHING. I honestly couldn't put it down. This book shows multiple parallels in our world. On one end, we have a mid 20's black woman who is trying to
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When did love become elusive

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 Love, or the pursuit of finding it.  I find myself wondering why love has become elusive  The open mouth of comparison waits, hungry to swallow me up as I watch the entire world find love so easily. While I show up as genuine, loving and authentic as I can only for love to hide from me  Left with the remnants of empty words, and a heart that is still willing to give so freely I look down at my empty hands and up at the blue sky I think of my father, and his father.. and his father... the games they played with women and the mistreatment of their previous partners and wonder if this is what I suffer from? The consequences of their actions on their daughter?  When did love become elusive? 
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Who are you?

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 Over the last few years, this question keeps coming to my mind. Who are you? Who are you becoming? Is this right? Growing up as a rule follower, a Jesus believer, and a recovering perfectionist I was damn near programed to judge myself. I say judge in a loose way because this can be helpful and be more of an introspective way, but also can be bad in a self critical way. As I am evolving, healing from traumas, and building again.. my mindsets are different. I question my beliefs, morals, and things I onced valued so much. Looking at ideals and sexuality and masturbation, and astrology, and not demonizing other religions. But my part of my brain that was so indoctrinated with Christian beliefs is still in my mind. I can't help but think about them and how they pop up and damn me to hell for lying, or having sex, or looking at horoscopes.  It's like an image of something out to get me.. and it's all rooted in fear. I don't really feel in my body right now. it's like I
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How to trust again

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 How can I trust again? After disappointment after disappointment  Feeling used and undervalued Where do I start?  I think by putting one foot in front of the other.  Believing that there are people out there that will really see you.  And you'll want to see them too.
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Is she more than I?

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                                                                       The unrequited I looked into your eyes  and could see the sun setting  Adoration flooded my body and I found out it flooded yours  But it wasn't for me, it was for her.  My waterfall quickly turned into a puddle The water dried up and left the flowers in my body to search for the sunshine The punch in the gut of realziing  I speak your name and you speak hers  I wonder if she's more               more poised                             more interesting                                      more beautiful                                            more expierenced than me, to you.  I wonder why she captures your heart and I capture a moment.  So I took a break talked to a friend  and said amen  captured the attention of many more women and men  I fasted, abstained from sex  sexed it up yet still there was this deep question inside..  why am I not enough for you? 
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Insomnia

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Paper thin and hard as stone. And now it's 5 am where I am Got no sleep once again I try to lie and pretend that reality isn't looming over my head Still, insomnia plays a part because it hits me;  healing I can't find where you are? But I won't mask the pain Nor will I burry it in temporary pleasures No. Day by day.
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The morning meets me

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The wind opens and closes the screen door she groans as she turns over to be met with the sun peaking through the window seal one eye still closed and pressed against the pillow where her silk scarf lays as she mumbles in her mind wondering the time she sees him getting dressed beside the bed His midnight eyes watched her as she lay in bed, he found her fumbling with the beginnings of the morning to be cute. They both smile at each other, saying with their silent mouths what doesn't need to be said out loud, "is she a morning person?" he wondered in his mind. He smiles, as he pulls the worn out jeans over his thighs, to hug at his hips. He bends down to kiss her softly on the forehead, knowing that the morning is scared to Mia. As wraps his arms around her body to communicate his longing to stay in the bed with her. Mia has become a safe place to Brown. She was fiercely independent, and quiet. She was an embodiment of peace that felt like a storm.
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