Take A Seat

  What does it mean to be broken? To soak in what went wrong. To live in as state of disbelief? Been crying out for years Mourning over the trauma Crying out for healing And still I am here. Sitting in it. Still having the random bouts of anxiety over it. It seems like some just get whatever they ask for. They go though one. One heartbreak One devastating event And they pray And their life is restored It's almost like a magic trick. Maybe it's a secret I'm too far off to know The one ingredient that I keep missing Oh do I desperately want to know the secret. But it seems like my prayers are falling on deaf ears I'm mad and I'm honest I'm not asking for much I heard the saints say "if He did it for them, He'll do it for you" but it seems like my names been left out of the table maybe God forgot to pick my name from the cup it's written that hope deferred makes the heart sick Irregular beats, and punctured...

                                                    And whatever you sow, that you shall reap  Racist America, this is your fault. this is the seeds that you have sown. and we are fed up.  3 months in and the world is on fire. The systematic oppression in this country against my people since we were stolen from our land and forced into labor to build this very nation is now reaping what  the white oppressors have sown. The countless murders of unarmed black Americans has enraged the nation to the point where we have forgotten that there is a pandemic going on. Thousands of people in every state gather to say that #BlackLivesMatter and fighting for justice and the police to be defunded and those who are guilty to be prosecuted. We are numb. We are enraged. We are sad. We are tired. And we are fighting.  When it comes ...

Day 14 Kind of. My love for deep things and to understand complex questions has been filled this weekend. Really throughout week 7, as I explore topics of human nature, generational curses, blessings, and lust and love. It's quiet. The type of quiet where you can hear your neighbors on the phone you notice the cars that go and the seemingly empty apartments I feel the urge to grab my vice and let it waste my time but I choose not to settling in the quiet. I am safe.

Staying Aligned  Where is your mind at lately? What are you meditating on? What is truth Do you feel it in your body Does it appear in your back Sit still and know that you are safe be present and know time truly has no time

And so she choose courage  As she laid her head on the pillow she choose sleep instead of fear  fear can't follow her in her dreams 

inhale...  Do you know  the pain so deep  The grief that suffocates you  the regret that kicks you  or the lost that leaves you feeling paralyzed  where do I go from here there is a lost that feels deeper than any the lost  I can't escape it  nor can I ignore it  sometimes I wonder if it the waves of this reality  will take over what I thought was a 3 ft pool will it turn into the ocean? with waves roaring  can it be controlled?  exhale. 

  To whom it may concern ..... I put aside all my fears Part of me had to die so a part of me gets to live Nothing without God, nothing without my fam Sorry for my absence, hope y'all understand All that meditation that I did, all that beasting in the gym All this energy inside I got to give Back and I'm better than y'all, ready whenever the call They expecting me to fold, friends turn into ya' foes Kept focus on the goals, mind, body and the soul New me, it's a new day, that's another story untold