Take A Seat

  I'm writing on my phone at a stop light in Norman, because I don't want to forget what I just experienced. I feel things coming together for me. Decolonize data. Health Equity, and people of color. I've never felt more seen and heard more at my time at my job than I have when Abigail Echo-Hawk was here. Her words were captivating, her heart was on fire, and she opened the eyes of everyone in the room. Things often get white washed by white eyes and it pisses me off. Abigail said everything I have been trying to tell my white colleagues and more in such an eloquent way that bought tears to my eyes. I hope that I can speak to crowds like she does, and make strides in the lives of my people.

I've been trigged again, Maybe it's all of the podcast I've been listening to.... The Read, the sex jokes, msm, and flashbacks to 2017 makes me want to go back to that moment and wish it all away, or wish death on the man that caused me so much pain. Around 6 am I saw a notification on my phone from Abide about shame. Colossians 1:21-22 God sees me as holy and blameless, he doesn't see the worse in me, nor my mistakes that I have beaten myself up for over and over in my head... So I'm not going to be distracted or live in the past. Been there done that. With God, I am healed and He is healing my mind, emotions, perspective, thoughts, and body. I can be free, I am free.

Logging off  I have felt my unhealthy relationship to my phone grow year by year. I feel the urges to reach for my phone, I feel the fatigue of looking at my phone when I'm tired, and I have felt the need to scroll through my timeline while I was anxious.   I once could leave my phone at home while running an errand, post a picture on instagram and not check it for another day I now find myself constantly checking my timeline and notifications. My obsession with checking my phone makes me sick.  It's like living in this virtual reality, and it's weird. I feel so disconnected, I feel like too many people have access to me without having real access to me, I feel like people who have my phone number think contacting me through social media is actually reaching out, and I do the same at times. I don't want to be that person, I want to be present, focused, I want to be the person to foster the relationships in real life. Finishing books. Imagine, goin